Hi World…
This is a post I have been scared to write and I still do not have all the answers to put in this entry. This took a while to write as well because I wanted to take time to process everything and to tell those closest to me first what has been going on.
So, as some of you know or may not know I do not ovulate regularly. This problem started about 4 years ago shortly after I came off birth control and my husband and I were going to try for children. However, that plan was stopped upon learning that I have hypothyroidism. After finding this out we obviously had to get that regulated and then move forward. Thankfully my thyroid has been regulated for 4 years now but my ovulation is still not. At times I would ovulate normally and at other times it would be 4 weeks after my period. Most recently it has been that I am ovulating every other month.
I have been terrified of never having kids. To be completely transparent (well to a certain extent) I was in an abusive relationship and we had a baby together. I gave my baby up for adoption as I knew I didn’t have the means to raise them and give them what they needed or deserved. It to this day is the hardest decision I have ever made and I do feel like a terrible person. So, the idea that I will never have kids completely destroys me.
With that, I went and got my Pap Smear in November and a full physical in February. My pap came back normal which is nice. Unfortunately my physical and blood work wasn’t the best. A lot of my blood work came back in great shape except for a few things…
- My liver test (ALT) came back 20 points higher than it should have been.
- My urine showed severe dehydration.
- My progesterone was less than 0.1
For the first issue I went to an imaging place that did an ultrasound of my entire abdomen as well as an echo cardiogram. The echo of my heart is because I have high blood pressure and she wanted to make sure my heart is OK. My cholesterol is perfect though so I have that going form me. Thankfully both tests have come back normal! The only thing is the slight regurgitation in two of my valves of my heart. With all of that though that is the good news.
Those results meant that the second issue could be the cause of that blood test being high as I have never had this problem before and my ultrasound came back normal. I decided to get a gallon water bottle of Amazon and try to drink it every day. Sadly, I have not gotten to the bottom of the bottle yet but everyday I get a little closer. I have even cut out juice as well just to add pure water to my body. This has also seemed to help my blood pressure go down as well. I just got the results of second round of liver blood work through the lab portal and now that test is 11 points higher. Which is good that is going down. I’m still nervous about it but I am trying to remain hopeful.
Side note: for my heart I have actually added CoQ10 to my vitamins as that will help with my cardiovascular health.
The third issue had me break down immediately as Progesterone is a key hormone to help with ovulation and pregnancy.
For those of you who do not know the full purpose of Progesterone her is a definition pulled from the Bitannica website:
“Progesterone, hormone secreted by the female reproductive system that functions mainly to regulate the condition of the inner lining (endometrium) of the uterus. Progesterone is produced by the ovaries, placenta, and adrenal glands.”
For a full explanation of what Progesterone can do click here.
Below are the levels for the progesterone and where they are supposed to be. The bold level is where mine seem to be in this moment…
- Follicular phase 0.1 – 0.9
- Luteal phase 1.8 – 23.9
- Ovulation phase 0.1 – 12.0
- Pregnant
- First trimester 11.0 – 44.3
- Second trimester 25.4 – 83.3
- Third trimester 58.7 – 214.0
- Postmenopausal 0.0 – 0.1
My Gyno does feel cause to worry as I am still ovulating. She is going to talk to me and my husband on Friday about how to get me to regulate my ovulation and to check his swimmers. My husband has to get checked because he has Polymyositis, to put it simply it is like rheumatoid arthritis, but instead of his body attacking the joints it is attacking his muscles. With that he is on medication that have a small chance of effecting his fertility, so we have to get everything checked.
We were originally going to start the IUI and IVF process in June/July, but with this turn of events it is best we start now. My gyno even said that our first transfer won’t happen until that time anyway as we still have to run the tests and get me regulated.
I know compared to most couples out there this is small, but it still hurts as I am sure it hurts all of you struggling. Every pregnancy announcement, every time someone says “just relax it will happen”, “it’ll happen when it is meant to”, and the list goes on…it just digs the knife in deeper. I recently had another love one post their announcement and I cried myself to sleep wondering when will I be able to make that announcement, when will I be able to grow my family, when will I feel that joy…
Please do not get me wrong I am so happy for them and so happy for anyone that is pregnant or has just had a baby, but I do have the right to be sad for myself and maybe even a little jealous.
I am hoping for good things and trying to stay positive through it all but it is tough. When I found out about my blood results I cried so much and felt so alone. I didn’t have anyone to turn to because I didn’t want to be a burden…But then I realized that my loved ones are there for me and I slowly started to open up to them and while they may not be going through this they assured me they love me and they are always here. They are my rock and I honestly wouldn’t be able to make it through this without them or the community love and support!
As I get results and make plans I will keep everyone updated and hope for that BFP in my future. Thank you to anyone that reads this and has shown me love I appreciate it more than you know!
See you in the next blog!
Tintin's Blog 