Hello World…
It has been a bit since I wrote on my blog for many reasons. But I think it is time I dive back into the writing and let you all know where I have been.
So- at the end of April I got my Period, 2 weeks early, which was good as instead of it happening 8 weeks after my last period it happened 6 weeks after. I considered that a bit of a win. My husband and I then started an IUI cycle. He did his SA and that came back really good and I had my first scan and blood work on the second day of my cycle. They then started me on Letrozole 5 MG a day from cycle Day 2 to Day 6. I produced 2 eggs, took the trigger shot on May 12 and had the IUI on May 13.
I didn’t know how to post during the TWW as I felt if I did I was adding more pressure to it then I already had. I started testing out the trigger shot at May 15 and it seemed completely out of my system by May 21. On May 20 they checked my progesterone and that level was good and then on May 27 they checked for pregnancy. Unfortunately, we did not get pregnant. I found out as I was driving home and then cried to my husband when I got home. I felt like it was my fault. That I didn’t do enough. I felt like I let my loved ones down and most importantly let my husband down. He also felt like it could have been his fault. After grieving a bit we both agreed we would keep trying. This means a lot to us and I am willing to do what ever I need to to my body to make it happen. I spoke about it with my therapist and with my fertility doctor and they both said that what I was feeling is normal and that it doesn’t always happen on the first try and to try and relax.
My friend Jess also provided comfort when I talked to her about it which helped. She has been amazingly awesome during this journey and I love her so much. However, social media was becoming overwhelming as I am constantly being bombarded by other people’s pregnancies and children. It is hard and unfortunately unless you have gone through this or are trying for children now no one understands. I try to express to people that getting annoyed when I express that I blame myself, or saying “It’ll happen when it’s meant too”, or “Just relax it’ll happen”. Doesn’t help this situation at all. It makes me feel worse and makes me feel guilty for having any feelings. My mother and sister have been getting the hang of not saying these things but letting me know how much they love me and that they are excited for when ever it does happen.
So on May 28 I started spotting and May 29 was my cycle day 1. I went in on that day for the scan and blood work and they put me on Letrozole again to do from cycle day 3 to day 7. Monday the 8th of June I go in for a folicle scan and blood work. Though I am going to try and start Ovulation Testing Saturday June 6 to see where I am in case I ovulate sooner. I am excited and nervous all in one. My plan for this cycle is to try and relax more. I plan to mediate as often as I can, do things to keep my mind off of the TWW, and focus on other parts of my future that I want. I am however hoping that this cycle does work.
Part of my silence also stems from what is happening in the world…Covid was devastating enough and now this terrible injustice to George Floyd. Any one who reads my blog and/or follows me on my social media, please know I am an Ally. This is a terrible thing that has happened and justice will be served. I stand with you! I didn’t want to take away from the importance of this situation by posting something personal. I have decided to do it now and going forward please feel free to reach out on here or on my instagram if I can do anything to help!
I will be trying to post more in the next few weeks about this cycle of IUI, about the world, and things I am doing during the TWW. Thank you everyone that reads my blog and follows my journey.
-TinTin
Tintin's Blog 